she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
