She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
