oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
