please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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