If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
