He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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