I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
