and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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