you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
