i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
