No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
