1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
