i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
