i think my tv is drunk
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
