Got a toothbrush?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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