# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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