I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
