best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
