is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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