U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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