Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
