I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
