I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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