we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
