Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
