I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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