i don't like sucking hair
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
