you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
