Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
