I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
