As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
