he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
