Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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