I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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