Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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