Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
