I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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