I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
