So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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