Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
