literally had 100 drinks last night.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
