I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
