I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ugly people sure do ruin things
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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