Even water is tasting like jack daniels
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
