I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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