i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
