Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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