mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
