I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
