Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
