I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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