God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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