3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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